"Play it by Ear"

I felt so sure that Gabe still loved me, now I'm not too sure.  I don't know if he's trying to pull away or if he truly doesn't care about me in that manner. 

Why I think he still loves me:
He still reaches out to me through text/call.
He contacts me when he's drunk and sad - saying he's drunk and sad and wants to come over
Sex isn't good enough with her, and he still wants me.
We hardly skip a day of not communicating.

Why I think he doesn't care:
F: You know why I want to hang out next Monday right, before my flight?
G: Airmax day?  Bday isn't until the 27th.
F:  Okay, I wasn't sure if you forgot about my birthday.  since I'll only be in town Sunday and part of Monday, I was hoping you would still want to hang out a little for my birthday.  Is it really Airmax Day?
G:  The 26th is...Yes
F:  ...so would you want to hang out with me?
G:  Let's play it by ear.  When's your flight?
F:  I would have to be at the airport by 2:30 on Monday.
G:  In the afternoon?
F:  Yeah, my flight's at 5:20pm, that's why I'm leaving Lubbock on Sunday so I don't feel rushed the next day.
F:  Hope you want to.

"Let's play it by ear."
I don't know why I'm still holding out on this man to want to hang out with me, to hope he can celebrate some sort of birthday with me.  That through this ordeal he still loves me.  I know I'm setting myself up for disappointment but I'm praying that I'm proved wrong.  I'm praying that by him coming through and hanging out, it still proves he loves me.

Why am I still so hung up on him?  Why would I take him back in a heartbeat?  The more I meet and talk to guys, the more I realize finding someone who I connected with on so many levels is less and less likely; and that terrifies me. 

Why was I so unloveable?  Why was I not good enough?  Why can't he just want us to be us again?  For my birthday I will be surrounded by people I love, but I know I'll still feel completely alone.