Divorce Guilt?
I don't know what I'm doing; the only thing I know for certain is that I will be filing for divorce when I get my next paycheck.
By the time I'm 30, I will be in the process of dissolving my marriage.
I was talking with Hannah and I realized he still seeks the best of both worlds. He wants Crystal for the sex, for the love, for the wifey vibe he's always sought - she cooks, she wants to "sit on his face", she begs him for sex (she's sexually active, which is something he's always wanted), she cleans, and does his errands; I'm sure he secretly wanted a woman who wears makeup and dresses prissy which I'm sure she does. He's even bought a fucking sectional and I know it has to do with him wanting to create a familial atmosphere at his fucking home. But he's spoken about us being gym buddies, and then yesterday/today spoke about getting me a gun and us going to a shooting range. Because she's prissy and more about sex and drinking and fucking his face and nature walks to "see the snow" than doing anything to that will get her pedicured nails dirty. And really? See the snow? You've been here how long and now you want to go up there? I hate her.
I know I should hate him. But I don't, I still do love him, but I do resent him. With her though I know I don't "hate her" hate her. But I can say with full confidence I will never respect the bitch, and cannot say that I will be civil to her. What woman is okay with being with a married man, then expects that man to be faithful to her? What woman is good with meeting a complete stranger while bringing her son along? To a fucking bar?? I can't stand her. I don't hate her, but I really can't stand her.
My sister has told me she can see a shift in my mentality, I think I can see it too.
Denial
Day 57 since our separation.
I'm still struggling.
By the time I'm 30, I will be in the process of dissolving my marriage.
I was talking with Hannah and I realized he still seeks the best of both worlds. He wants Crystal for the sex, for the love, for the wifey vibe he's always sought - she cooks, she wants to "sit on his face", she begs him for sex (she's sexually active, which is something he's always wanted), she cleans, and does his errands; I'm sure he secretly wanted a woman who wears makeup and dresses prissy which I'm sure she does. He's even bought a fucking sectional and I know it has to do with him wanting to create a familial atmosphere at his fucking home. But he's spoken about us being gym buddies, and then yesterday/today spoke about getting me a gun and us going to a shooting range. Because she's prissy and more about sex and drinking and fucking his face and nature walks to "see the snow" than doing anything to that will get her pedicured nails dirty. And really? See the snow? You've been here how long and now you want to go up there? I hate her.
I know I should hate him. But I don't, I still do love him, but I do resent him. With her though I know I don't "hate her" hate her. But I can say with full confidence I will never respect the bitch, and cannot say that I will be civil to her. What woman is okay with being with a married man, then expects that man to be faithful to her? What woman is good with meeting a complete stranger while bringing her son along? To a fucking bar?? I can't stand her. I don't hate her, but I really can't stand her.
My sister has told me she can see a shift in my mentality, I think I can see it too.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: Five Stages of Grief.
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
Day 57 since our separation.
I'm still struggling.
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