I Think I'm Throwing in the Towel
He's sleeping on my couch as I type, but I feel worlds away from the man I love.
He came over, we fucked and even chilled in our tub. All was honestly great until the tub - I thought that I could win him back. With everything he was telling me I knew I could win him back.
But I was wrong.
He told me that he's falling more for her and we are becoming more distant. I asked if that meant he wanted to be exclusive with her he said, "how else should it be?" How else should it be?? What the fuck does he think "exclusive" means??? We were/are fucking married and that wasn't fucking exclusive enough?
We got out of the tub, got to the living room and we fell back into our habit of arguing and saying why he doesn't want to be together.
He came over, we fucked and even chilled in our tub. All was honestly great until the tub - I thought that I could win him back. With everything he was telling me I knew I could win him back.
But I was wrong.
He told me that he's falling more for her and we are becoming more distant. I asked if that meant he wanted to be exclusive with her he said, "how else should it be?" How else should it be?? What the fuck does he think "exclusive" means??? We were/are fucking married and that wasn't fucking exclusive enough?
We got out of the tub, got to the living room and we fell back into our habit of arguing and saying why he doesn't want to be together.
- He did everything he could to make me happy.
- I didn't appreciate him enough.
- I am showing all this affection because he's gone.
- I didn't want a family when he wanted one
- He still had the abortions.
He then crashed out on the couch and I headed to bed, where I found his smart watch, the one I bought him for Christmas. I looked through the texts to "The Salcita" where I found that they have already moved in together.
He mentioned that he was thinking of going to Colorado this weekend, but come to find out it's because they were going.
She texted that she wanted to go up to the crest and I'm sure they will.
She told him she wanted to sit on his fucking face and he told her to prove it.
All this while he was here.
All while he was right fucking here, with me.
I don't think he's told her about hanging out with me, and I especially know that she doesn't know he's fucking me. He said earlier this evening that he was going to just be alone, and later on wasn't even sure if him and Crystal would even work out; but how can that be true if THEY ARE LIVING TOGETHER?
He mentioned that he was thinking of going to Colorado this weekend, but come to find out it's because they were going.
She texted that she wanted to go up to the crest and I'm sure they will.
She told him she wanted to sit on his fucking face and he told her to prove it.
All this while he was here.
All while he was right fucking here, with me.
I don't think he's told her about hanging out with me, and I especially know that she doesn't know he's fucking me. He said earlier this evening that he was going to just be alone, and later on wasn't even sure if him and Crystal would even work out; but how can that be true if THEY ARE LIVING TOGETHER?
I keep taking punch after punch, kick after kick and am still stupid enough to get back up for more. Tonight was the first night I've thought about drawing up divorce papers. The first night where I thought about telling him to stop talking to me.
I just don't know if I have it in me to follow through. Instead of life coming together by the time I'm 30, my life is falling apart.
Day 51 since separation.
I'm falling apart.
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