Dangling
On Friday I told Gabe I was on a date.
Saturday came and he didn't call during his usual time so I figured he was upset.
Saturday night came and he called.
The first call started out with him asking if someone was sleeping next to me. When I said no he asked why not, to which I said I wasn't about that. He then said that he was going to come over, which I was okay with. I had asked him if he'd been drinking, to which he said yes. So then I asked if he was drunk to which he said no. When I asked if he was going to continue drinking, he said, "yeah probably" so I said I didn't want him over then. He got snappy and had to have the last word saying, "Okay Faith I'm just not going to come then"
I had texted him asking why it was so hard for him not to drink if he were to come over. Thirty minutes later he called again.
He had asked what I meant by that, so I reminded him that we cannot drink around each other because we fight. He threw a little low blow by saying that I'm the one who goes crazy when I drink; I told him that I've stopped drinking around him because of that, but regardless when he drinks we still manage to fight so it's not just me.
I can't remember how everything else flowed, conversation wise, but he started talking about how he didn't care if he died due to alcohol and it made me very upset. He said that I didn't care about him so he didn't understand why I was making a big deal out of it. He said no one cares about him, that his family is jealous of him, and I stopped caring, which was why he left (another surprising reason that he's using so he doesn't own up to the real reason).
We got on the topic of the kid, and he was bummed that the kid had no interest in science, sports, or even band - it was all about gaming. He said he's the only one to check his homework and I told him he's being more of a parent than Crystal is, which he agreed.
And on Crystal, he said that every Sunday they have a fight. I didn't ask about what or anything, but with all this stuff I know he's unhappy.
He hasn't stopped drinking, I don't think he's even tried curbing his drinking. He said he hasn't stopped drinking around the boy, and when I bring up trying to change that all he says it that, "it's not his kid". He said that the boy doesn't see him when he's too far gone.
He also said being alone was easier than being surrounded by people. Which we all know is bullshit. I told him if it was so easy why did I tell him I wanted to take sleeping pills, that the only time I could see it as easy was if it was my choice, but it wasn't, I was forced to be alone.
It's this whole new worry. I do love him, but I'm afraid he's weak and will fall more dependent on alcohol. I want to help him because I know the man he his, but at the same time it's not in my place anymore. That conflict is really fucking with my head.
Saturday came and he didn't call during his usual time so I figured he was upset.
Saturday night came and he called.
The first call started out with him asking if someone was sleeping next to me. When I said no he asked why not, to which I said I wasn't about that. He then said that he was going to come over, which I was okay with. I had asked him if he'd been drinking, to which he said yes. So then I asked if he was drunk to which he said no. When I asked if he was going to continue drinking, he said, "yeah probably" so I said I didn't want him over then. He got snappy and had to have the last word saying, "Okay Faith I'm just not going to come then"
I had texted him asking why it was so hard for him not to drink if he were to come over. Thirty minutes later he called again.
He had asked what I meant by that, so I reminded him that we cannot drink around each other because we fight. He threw a little low blow by saying that I'm the one who goes crazy when I drink; I told him that I've stopped drinking around him because of that, but regardless when he drinks we still manage to fight so it's not just me.
I can't remember how everything else flowed, conversation wise, but he started talking about how he didn't care if he died due to alcohol and it made me very upset. He said that I didn't care about him so he didn't understand why I was making a big deal out of it. He said no one cares about him, that his family is jealous of him, and I stopped caring, which was why he left (another surprising reason that he's using so he doesn't own up to the real reason).
We got on the topic of the kid, and he was bummed that the kid had no interest in science, sports, or even band - it was all about gaming. He said he's the only one to check his homework and I told him he's being more of a parent than Crystal is, which he agreed.
And on Crystal, he said that every Sunday they have a fight. I didn't ask about what or anything, but with all this stuff I know he's unhappy.
He hasn't stopped drinking, I don't think he's even tried curbing his drinking. He said he hasn't stopped drinking around the boy, and when I bring up trying to change that all he says it that, "it's not his kid". He said that the boy doesn't see him when he's too far gone.
He also said being alone was easier than being surrounded by people. Which we all know is bullshit. I told him if it was so easy why did I tell him I wanted to take sleeping pills, that the only time I could see it as easy was if it was my choice, but it wasn't, I was forced to be alone.
It's this whole new worry. I do love him, but I'm afraid he's weak and will fall more dependent on alcohol. I want to help him because I know the man he his, but at the same time it's not in my place anymore. That conflict is really fucking with my head.
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